hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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