I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
