i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
