Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
