Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
