We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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