I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
