is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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