I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
