I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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