Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
