NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
