I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
