Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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