office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
