don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
