Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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