i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
