Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
