if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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