Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
