I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There r osticjed everywhere
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
