Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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