the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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