so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
