i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
