You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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