My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
