wanna go halves on a baby?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
