so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
