im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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