I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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