After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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