I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
