he puts the penis in happiness.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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