I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
