i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
