this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
