I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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