So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
