These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
