How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
