Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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