Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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