Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
