I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont even know how to be here
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
