Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
