Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
