Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
