I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
