Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
