The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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