brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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