oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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