apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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