??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
