How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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