My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
