Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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