Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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