God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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