I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
