4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
