I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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