were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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