My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
