Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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