JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
