I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
