When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
