hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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