Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
