the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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