You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
