I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
