can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
