nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
