oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do herpes really smell.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
