I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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