Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it penis luge time yet?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
