Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
