I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
