I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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