I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
