I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
