I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
