ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
